My First Father's Day
It's often said at 12-Step meetings and elsewhere in the recovery community that an addict shouldn't try to get clean for someone else. If we try to sober up for our spouse, employer, or whomever, without truly wanting it for ourselves, we are bound to fail.
While I definitely agree with this notion, I feel that we addicts, with our tendency toward self-centeredness, often overlook the immense benefits that our recovery can have on those around us. Sure, we have to want sobriety ourselves, as opposed to cleaning up solely to please others. But when we're having one of those exceptionally bad days, and we're not sure if the sober life seems worth the effort, it couldn't hurt to remember all the other people whose security and well-being is at least partially dependent on our taking care of ourselves.
I was reflecting on all this while I celebrated my first Father's Day today. My little girl, Allison, is four-and-a-half months old. I hope and pray that she will only know her daddy as a sober, responsible parent. I'm grateful to say that my wife has never seen me drunk or high. If I continue to take some simple steps, on a daily basis, neither my wife nor daughter will ever have to see my dark side.
I shudder to think of what could happen to my family if I picked up just one drink. Having that extra incentive to stay healthy certainly makes my mission more obvious. My wife and daughter enhance my life more than I can describe.
Being aware of these things made today all the more satisfying. I also got to spend the day with my own father and father-in-law, as well as other dads and dads-to-be in the extended family. This is the kind of stuff that would have been sheer drudgery when I was using. That is, if I had been able to show up at all.
There's no guarantee I'd even still be alive if I'd continued on my former path. But today, despite a sinus headache brought on by the hot, humid weather, I was able to enjoy myself and appreciate the undeserved gifts I've been given.
God is good.