My Story: A New Life - Part V
Continued from A New Life - Part IV
During my first two weeks at the Salvation Army's Adult Rehabilitation Center (ARC), I was restricted to the facility and surrounding property. I was immediately given a Work Therapy assignment in the adjacent Thrift Store - but when my first weekend arrived, I realized I had a lot of time on my hands.
When I had been in jail, in my boredom I made to-do lists, including one of books I wanted to read once I got out. When I didn't know of a title, I wrote a description of the type of book I would seek, such as, "a book describing Christianity from a scientific perspective". What I had in mind in that particular case was not Christian Science, but traditional Christian doctrine presented in a manner that would be palatable to the modern reader who takes for granted a scientific viewpoint of the universe.
As a youth, I had accepted at face value the doctrine and theology I had learned. Then, in my high school and college years, I had welcomed the common objections to Christian doctrine with enthusiasm, having already abandoned the Church. I had outgrown my childish understanding of spiritual matters, and had never bothered to seek out a more complex understanding. Now, for the first time, I found myself wishing vaguely that I could find a mature faith - an adult conception of God.
After all, I was in a Christian-based rehab, where I would be expected to attend religious programming, including Chapel services twice per week. I wanted to believe in Christ, not only in order to feel more comfortable at the ARC, but because I found myself drawn to Christ's teachings, as I understood them. I just couldn't get past the idea of a bodily resurrection - the idea that this Jesus person was the Son of God and actually rose from the dead. If the resurrection story was not true, then what, if anything, in the Bible could be believed?
One boring weekend afternoon I paid a visit to the ARC's library. I wasn't looking for anything in particular - just something to distract my mind from my troubles. The books were mostly donated, and had been stuffed onto the shelves randomly. As I browsed the mishmash of paperbacks and outdated encyclopedias, I came upon The Case For Christ, by Lee Strobel. This book caught my eye, given the questions that had been occupying my mind. I pulled it from the shelf and read the back cover. Mr. Strobel was a legal journalist who'd been an atheist prior to becoming a born-again Christian. In The Case For Christ, he would discuss how it was indeed possible for a reasonable person to believe what Christians commonly believed about Christ.
This sounded like exactly what I'd been hoping to find. Here was an educated, professional man who had formerly considered himself an atheist, and who now believed in Jesus Christ, yet retained his rational, analytical worldview in all matters.
I sat down at a table in the library and began reading. Although I found Strobel's writing style to be kind of annoying, the subject matter intrigued me, so I breezed through the book in one sitting. Strobel retraced his journey from atheist to Born-Again, interviewing experts from various fields (e.g. history, literature, psychiatry, and theology) as he nullified many of the common arguments against Christianity.
Among his assertions:
1) Jesus' biographies (the biblical Gospels) can be trusted and have been reliably preserved for us.
2) There is credible evidence for Jesus outside his biographies.
3) Archaeological findings have enhanced the New Testament's credibility, and no discovery has ever disproved a biblical reference.
4) Jesus was not "crazy" when he claimed to be the Son of God.
5) Jesus' death was not a sham, nor his resurrection a hoax.
6) Jesus really was seen alive after his death on the cross.
7) There are many other supporting facts that point toward the resurrection.
Strobel's book didn't answer all my questions, but it started me on a personal course of reading, beginning with many of the authors he cited. More importantly, it revealed to me that there were issues in Christianity to which I hadn't given a fair amount of consideration. As this fact dawned on me, I began to have a powerful spiritual experience - the culmination of years of seeking. Christianity involves a leap of faith, to be sure, but that leap was not as monumental as I had previously assumed, and the realization of this struck me hard.
There is an old proverb: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I was ready, I believe, to hear the message, and begin a new life in Christ. I had finally been humbled enough by my addiction to become teachable.
The same day I read the book, I turned my life over again to Jesus Christ, reciting a similar prayer as I had with the State cop, but this time earnestly, and with urgency. I began to feel a warm glow, a sense of protection and purpose, as I never had before. I had read accounts of spiritual experiences, in such works as William James', The Varieties of Religious Experience, and A.A.'s Big Book. I'm sure that's what happened to me, and I have a much greater appreciation for the phenomenon after having been through it.
My life continued to be full of struggles and stress, yet I can honestly say I've never felt seriously discouraged since my experience in the ARC. Some of the initial excitement has subsided, but it has been replaced with ever deepening faith and confidence.